School Stuff & More

I had orientation and counseling today. I also got the results from my College Placement Test, I didn't do very well on the math, so I will have to take a lower math class than I had hoped for. But I learned alot about FCCJ and what is to be expected of you. I learned what classes Universities require of an Elementary Education transfer student, and all that other good stuff.
After I left the campus I went to Mari-Jane's. I got to spend about an hour with the twins before they went down for their nap. Then I hung out with Hunter and we watched Narnia(sp?). I was going to try to get the twins and Hunter Saturday and take them to the park, but they are all booked for the weekend, so maybe next time. I am going to Tennessee with them and the family, so I am very excited about that. I haven't been to Tennessee since the twins were itty bitty. It'll be nice to get away from Jacksonville for awhile. I think Justin and Brianne are meeting us up there, I can't wait to see them, mostly Brianne though!!! I can't wait to see ya sis!!! YAY!!!

Boredom and Depression

Boredom has kicked in as I wait for classes to start. I have run out of things to clean, organize, and re-organize. I have people to hang out with on the weekends and places to go. But on the weekdays there is nothing to do and no one to see.
Along with the boredom, depression has set it. It is all consuming. I have dealt with depression all of my life and have always been able to hide it well. But now adays, I can't. Maybe its because I have nothing better to do, than to feel bad for myself. I am overly emotional about everything, I can't even watch T.V without crying over some sappy story line. I am also having a hard time sleeping lately, I seem to stay up later and later everynight, and when I do finally fall asleep, its a restless sleep. I'm not sure what's wrong with me. Classes start in a month, hopefully that will help me feel better and keep me busy.
I think about Kierra more and more each day. I miss her so much. People say it gets easier as time passes. But I don't see how that is possible. As more time passes, that just equals how long we have been without her in our lives. And one more day her children have to live without their mother. I say it gets harder as time passes. But thats me, thats how my mind works.

Starting the Schooling Process

Well, I have decide to go to college. Two years at FCCJ then transfer to a university to finish my degree. I hope to major in Elementary Education. I know, me working with children, guite the shock!!! Yesterday I went down to the North Campus of FCCJ. I applied, and got my student ID. Today I went and took my College Placement Test, so I know what classes I should take and how advanced they should be. Its all very exciting. Me a college student!?!?! I never thought this day would come. I am going to work and study my ass off. I have something to prove to my friends and family. Especially family, they think so little of me these day, it would be nice to prove them wrong. I have orientation and counceling Tuesday April 4th, after that I can register for classes and get this educational party started!!! Hopefully I will start classes May 8th, if not more classes start on June 5th. Either way--YAY!!!

Saturday

Saturday was a great day. Darnell, Leilani, Vicki and I had the twins. I got over to Mari-Jane's at about 11 o'clock. Hunter greeted me at the door, I am surprise everytime I see him, how big he is. I still remember the first time I ever met little Hunter, he was so small and he was MyHunter. Brianne use to joke that the only reason I came over to the house was to see Hunter. As Hunter grew, I grew to love him more and more. All the funny things he would say, all the times we played in his Buzz Lightyear tent, good times, good times.
Well Tristan came out of his and Alexa's room, just a bundle of energy, ready for the day and excited to see me. Alexa on the other hand wasn't feeling to well, she clung to me until Darnell got there and she then clung to him. Well we went to the park right down the road on Beach Blvd. Tristan enjoyed himself greatly, he climbed and went down every slide. He also enjoyed playing on the swings with Vicki. Alexa only played for the last hour we were there, but at least she played. Tristan and I took a little walk so he could look at the water, he held my hand the entire time. It really touched my heart, he is a little man, just two years ago Ki and I had to go to the NICU to visit him. We would read him stories and talk to him so he would get use to our voices and know that we loved him. It's hard to belive how big they are. They are growing up beatifully. Alexa is so gorgeous and Tristan is so handsome. Well we took the kids home and they went straight down for their nap. I also got to know Vicki, Leilani and Darnell more, which was great. Hopefully we can all do the park thing again.

Dream

I am not usually one of those people that write about their dreams, hell, I hardly remember them by the time I wake up in the morning. But this one I remember and wanted to write down. So here it is- I walk to my front door and I see Mari-Jane pulling up in my driveway, and she has someone in the passenger side seat that looks like Kierra. But it can't be Kierra, she passed away last year. But it is Kierra, the ghost of Kierra. Well her and Mari-Jane come in the house. Kierra and I head to my room to hang out. Kierra starts to notice things around my room that are in memory of her. And I tell her about my Kierra box and whats inide of it, like the Princess cereal she bought me, and all the cards that she would give me just because. I ask Kierra if it looks like I am talking to myself or do other people see her. She tells me that the only ones that can see and talk to her are the people who believe, that is why she came to see me today. Then I woke up.
I miss her so much, more so than the day before.

Teal Top

I took this picture of Kierra back in December of 2004. We were on our way out to Bourbon Street. Kierra was wearing her favorite shirt. We all use to joke around about how much she loved that shirt and every time we would go out, she would wear that same teal top!!!

Its Been Awhile

Well, I haven't writen in quite some time. But I am back now. It has been 4 months 1 week and 1 day since Kierra was killed. In other words, it has been the hardest 4 months 1 week and 1 day of my life. Since she has been gone I have learned what true friendship is and to never take it for granted. Kierra was my best friend, she was going to my maid of honor whenever I got married, godmother to my children. What now? I will forever be missing her in my life. Its almost like a part of me is missing. It was really hard to see the twins for the first time after her death, its like seeing her face alive again. They are so much like her it hurts sometimes. I saw Darnell recently, it did my heart good to see him. Kierra loved him so much, they were even engaged. This from a girl who said she wasn't going to marry until she was 40!!! We were planning her wedding before she was killed. It was going to be in pastels. Lilac, pale pink, pale yellow and blue. She picked me as her maid of honor and I was to wear lilac, because all the other colors clashed with my red hair. Brianne was to wear the pale blue, because blue is Brianne's favorite color.
Mari-Jane is doing a great job with the twins. I am sure it must be a day to day struggle, but she does it with such grace and dignity. She is an amazing woman, I admire her more and more with each day that passes in this Life Without My Best Friend.