She is always there, everywhere. I hear a joke and think, oh Ki would have laughed so hard. See a faerie and think, oh Ki would have loved that. I can still her her voice, her laughter and still can't believe that its gone from the world. How can something so beatiful be taken away from us? Why did it happen? I feel myself get angry sometimes at life, at the world, that damn guy and even sometimes God. Now I know you should never be angry at God, but I can't help but feel this way. I don't want to hear that he has a plan for all of us and it was the way he wants things to be. What about those children that will have to grow up not knowing their mother, huh? What kind of messed up plan is that?
I miss you Kierra, more than I could ever say. More than anyone will ever know. You were my very best friend, and I thank you for that. Nobody knows me as much as you did, not even my mother. You were the truest friend a girl could have or wish for. We had are fights, but we always got through them. I still have all the cards you use to give me, I even still have the Princess cereal you got me. Funny huh? I love you Ki!
Friday, April 28, 2006
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Girls Night Out!
I had a great night last night. Vicki and I went to dinner at Dick's Wing's. Good food, good conversation. Then we went to the movies and saw Silent Hill. I jumped a couple of times, it was really gory(sp?) too. It was good, but wait for it to come out on DVD. Then we went to Bourbon Street. I haven't been to Bourbon on a Wednesday is forever, because last time I went it totally sucked and there was nobody there. Well this time was so much fun!!! The crowd wasn't huge but there were alot of us in a group, mostly Diva's. We were the only ones out on the dance floor, but we didn't care. It's nice to be around people who are there just to have a good time and don't care about what others think. I had a few drinks, danced to a few songs and left and midnight. I had so much fun, Thanks Diva's!!!
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Alexa
This is my favorite picture of Alexa from the trip. I love how you can see her reflection in the window. Alexa was the oppisite of Tristan, she was posing for the camera!!!
Tristan
I took this picture of Tristan while we were up in Tennessee. He absolutely refused to look into the camera. This is one of the best pictures of him from the whole trip.
3 More days in Tennessee
Saturday Brianne and Justin showed up. We all chilled around the house for most of the day. Brianne, Justin and I wen to to Knife Works, but it was closed. So we went to Wal-Mart, bought some stuff, includding the game Sorry and Uno. When we got back to the house Brianne and I played Sorry and ate ice cream. We finally went to bed around midnight. We had church in the morning.
Sunday was an interesting, sad and exhausting day. We all went to Grandma and Grandpa's church. Behind the church is the gazebo that Kierra was detirmined to be married at. It was sad knowing that that day will never come. We also went to visit Aunt Flo. when we got back to the house Brianne and I played Uno and Sorry again. Her and I stayed up till eleven that night talking about everything while looking at the stars. It was a beautiful night and it was good to spend time with Brianne, its been quite some time since we have had one of our long, late might talks. It did me some good.
Monday morning Brianne and Justin had to head out to continue there vacation. The rest of us went of to the Apple Barn and the Smoky Mountain Knife Works. They didn't have any of the things I was looking for. Anyway, we got back to the house, and packed our bags. We had a good dinner and then packed up the van and the twins and headed back south. The twins traveled a little bit better this time. There were a few bumps on the rode, but thats to be expected. All in all it was a good time in Tennessee. Sad at times and happy at others.
Sunday was an interesting, sad and exhausting day. We all went to Grandma and Grandpa's church. Behind the church is the gazebo that Kierra was detirmined to be married at. It was sad knowing that that day will never come. We also went to visit Aunt Flo. when we got back to the house Brianne and I played Uno and Sorry again. Her and I stayed up till eleven that night talking about everything while looking at the stars. It was a beautiful night and it was good to spend time with Brianne, its been quite some time since we have had one of our long, late might talks. It did me some good.
Monday morning Brianne and Justin had to head out to continue there vacation. The rest of us went of to the Apple Barn and the Smoky Mountain Knife Works. They didn't have any of the things I was looking for. Anyway, we got back to the house, and packed our bags. We had a good dinner and then packed up the van and the twins and headed back south. The twins traveled a little bit better this time. There were a few bumps on the rode, but thats to be expected. All in all it was a good time in Tennessee. Sad at times and happy at others.
Friday, April 14, 2006
3 days of Tennessee
Well we have been in Tennessee for 3 days now. It has an intersting trip so far. We left Tuesday, late at night, thinking that the twins would sleep the entire way here. Ha Ha Ha, boy were we ever wrong. Tristan maybe slept 2 out of the 10 hours, while Alexa slept 0 out of 10 hours. Hunter got a good bit of sleep and I got about and hour or two. We watch a million movies. Wednesday was very chill. Brian, Alexa, Tristan and Hunter took a long nap, while Mari-Jane and I talked with her mother and father. Later in the evening I took a really great shower and slept very well that night.
Thursday we went to DollyWood. It was hard to get into the spirit of the day. For one thing, the only other time I have been to DollyWood was with Kierra when she was pregnant with the twins. It was hard with her not being there this time. The second thing is that it was the 13th of April, 5 months since Kierra was taken from us. Mari-Jane bought me these beautiful combs for my hair, I've worn them all day today. We got home late and the kids were put straight to bed. I came up to my room ready for a good nights sleep, but that didn't happen. I had many a nightmare last night. All involving Kierra. It was a frightning evening. Most of the time when I dream of her, they are beatiful dreams of memories. But not these, they were scary and all too real. I woke up groggy and needed coffee, stat!
Friday has been a good day. Mari-Jane, Hunter and I went to Wal-Mart and Food City to get Easter stuff. I have been taking lots of pictures and they will be up on my MySpace and Kierra's very soon after I get back to Florida.
Thursday we went to DollyWood. It was hard to get into the spirit of the day. For one thing, the only other time I have been to DollyWood was with Kierra when she was pregnant with the twins. It was hard with her not being there this time. The second thing is that it was the 13th of April, 5 months since Kierra was taken from us. Mari-Jane bought me these beautiful combs for my hair, I've worn them all day today. We got home late and the kids were put straight to bed. I came up to my room ready for a good nights sleep, but that didn't happen. I had many a nightmare last night. All involving Kierra. It was a frightning evening. Most of the time when I dream of her, they are beatiful dreams of memories. But not these, they were scary and all too real. I woke up groggy and needed coffee, stat!
Friday has been a good day. Mari-Jane, Hunter and I went to Wal-Mart and Food City to get Easter stuff. I have been taking lots of pictures and they will be up on my MySpace and Kierra's very soon after I get back to Florida.
Monday, April 10, 2006
Goodbye Jacksonville!!! Hello Tennessee!!!
Hello all!!! I will be out of town for the next week. I will be leaving Tuesday night and returning next Tuesday morning. Mari-Jane invited me to go with her,Brian, Hunter and the twins to TENNESSEE!!! And I very happily accepted. I can't wait. Last time I was up there the twins were just itty bitty things and of course Kierra was with us. This trip is going to be hard I think. Tennesse with no Kierra, thats just not right. We will also be going to DollyWood. The first time I ever went to DollyWood was with Kierra and Mari-Jane. Kierra was pregnant at the time and couldn't ride very many of the rides, but we still had a really great time together. I'll be sure to take lots of pictures of the kids and Tennessee. See ya'll in a week!!!
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
School Stuff & More
I had orientation and counseling today. I also got the results from my College Placement Test, I didn't do very well on the math, so I will have to take a lower math class than I had hoped for. But I learned alot about FCCJ and what is to be expected of you. I learned what classes Universities require of an Elementary Education transfer student, and all that other good stuff.
After I left the campus I went to Mari-Jane's. I got to spend about an hour with the twins before they went down for their nap. Then I hung out with Hunter and we watched Narnia(sp?). I was going to try to get the twins and Hunter Saturday and take them to the park, but they are all booked for the weekend, so maybe next time. I am going to Tennessee with them and the family, so I am very excited about that. I haven't been to Tennessee since the twins were itty bitty. It'll be nice to get away from Jacksonville for awhile. I think Justin and Brianne are meeting us up there, I can't wait to see them, mostly Brianne though!!! I can't wait to see ya sis!!! YAY!!!
After I left the campus I went to Mari-Jane's. I got to spend about an hour with the twins before they went down for their nap. Then I hung out with Hunter and we watched Narnia(sp?). I was going to try to get the twins and Hunter Saturday and take them to the park, but they are all booked for the weekend, so maybe next time. I am going to Tennessee with them and the family, so I am very excited about that. I haven't been to Tennessee since the twins were itty bitty. It'll be nice to get away from Jacksonville for awhile. I think Justin and Brianne are meeting us up there, I can't wait to see them, mostly Brianne though!!! I can't wait to see ya sis!!! YAY!!!
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Boredom and Depression
Boredom has kicked in as I wait for classes to start. I have run out of things to clean, organize, and re-organize. I have people to hang out with on the weekends and places to go. But on the weekdays there is nothing to do and no one to see.
Along with the boredom, depression has set it. It is all consuming. I have dealt with depression all of my life and have always been able to hide it well. But now adays, I can't. Maybe its because I have nothing better to do, than to feel bad for myself. I am overly emotional about everything, I can't even watch T.V without crying over some sappy story line. I am also having a hard time sleeping lately, I seem to stay up later and later everynight, and when I do finally fall asleep, its a restless sleep. I'm not sure what's wrong with me. Classes start in a month, hopefully that will help me feel better and keep me busy.
I think about Kierra more and more each day. I miss her so much. People say it gets easier as time passes. But I don't see how that is possible. As more time passes, that just equals how long we have been without her in our lives. And one more day her children have to live without their mother. I say it gets harder as time passes. But thats me, thats how my mind works.
Along with the boredom, depression has set it. It is all consuming. I have dealt with depression all of my life and have always been able to hide it well. But now adays, I can't. Maybe its because I have nothing better to do, than to feel bad for myself. I am overly emotional about everything, I can't even watch T.V without crying over some sappy story line. I am also having a hard time sleeping lately, I seem to stay up later and later everynight, and when I do finally fall asleep, its a restless sleep. I'm not sure what's wrong with me. Classes start in a month, hopefully that will help me feel better and keep me busy.
I think about Kierra more and more each day. I miss her so much. People say it gets easier as time passes. But I don't see how that is possible. As more time passes, that just equals how long we have been without her in our lives. And one more day her children have to live without their mother. I say it gets harder as time passes. But thats me, thats how my mind works.
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